I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
