She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
