I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
