hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
