fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
