Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
