Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
