Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
