so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
