carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
