I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
