My room smells like vodka and shame
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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