"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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