Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
