No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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