it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
