My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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