I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
