i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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