you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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