you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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