don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
