I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
