He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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