And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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