Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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