If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
