be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
