No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
