she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
