they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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