ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
