Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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