If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
