I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
