just come out here and I will go home with you...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
