there's paper in my vomit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
