Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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