your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
