i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
