i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
