just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
