dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
