when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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