your parents love me but you hate me
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
