tonight lets celebrate not being married
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
