Christians are straight up FREAKS
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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