Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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