New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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