So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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