next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
