Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
