Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just found a bag of teeth...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
