fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
